This Week in Badgers: The Weird Badgers Draft
This Week in Badgers: Season 1, Episode 35
Welcome to This Week in Badgers where we are joined by a very special guest and spend way too many words on extremely dumb (sorta) Badger things.
Better Times
With nothing going on this week, month, or possibly year (ughhhhhh) we’ve truly reached a #content void in the Badger world. The only Badger excitement I had all week was a deleted Graham Mertz Instagram, yikes. I truly feel for Badger media people right now and hope they and their publications/websites are able to withstand the current times and pull through.
What we have seen from them has been a huge focus on past teams, making brackets about anything you can think of and of course lots of NFL draft stuff. I’ve been doing my best to click on this stuff and comment even if it is not up my alley and I’m sure all those guys would appreciate any traffic they can get right now, so go click and on a bunch of articles from AllBadgers, JS Online, The Athletic, B5Q, Rivals, 247, State Journal, Paul Chryst with Oranges and come back to this email.
Welcome back.
TWIB is going to take a slightly different direction this week and pause on Remembering Guys, Links and News updates. Don’t worry there is a Sorgi reference buried deep in here as that will never take a week off.
Over the past week with the help of Rich from the great podcast The Buck Around (RIP), I conducted a draft of what I’ll call “Weird Badger Stuff” which is essentially anything tangentially related to the Badgers that didn’t happen on the field.
Ranking games and players has its place, but analyzing dumb Badger Twitter stuff, second hand rumors, urban legends, media coverage and other random stuff that has enraged and/or made us laugh is much better. I love this stuff. Sure, winning a recruiting battle is great, but hearing a rumor about McEvoy sleeping with Stave’s girlfriend (a topic that was not drafted) is way better.
Rich won the coin flip and picked first:
1. RICH: Mike Lucas and Sidelines
The Wisconsin football program has a very tightly controlled relationship with the media. Reporters get 20 minutes to ask Chryst about what he “appreciates” that week and then are sent scrambling to create a compelling narrative for their readers. To combat this self-imposed dearth of coverage, Wisconsin employs not one but two full time writers to give fans the #content they desire.
Mike Lucas has been leading the charge for Badger Pravda (a.k.a. Varsity) for a decade, and has consistently delivered a disciplined, tightly controlled, positive message about the state of the football program that you expect from the guy who is the Spokesman of Badger Athletics. He leans into the Walk On Mythology, he drinks from the Not-Just-Anyone-Has-the-Character-To-Represent-Wisconsin Cup. That’s what made his handling of the cancellation of his TV show all the more amazing. He went full Bye Felicia on his boss (calling her out twice on Twitter) and even brought it up again 3 months later because he DEFINITELY wasn’t bitter about it.
I know you’re all saying “with the first overall pick, really Rich?” but I have a lot of confidence in this one. Think of me as the guy in the Redskins’ 2012 war room right now who is jumping up and down on the conference table screaming Russell Wilson’s name while you guys draft Robert Griffin. Mike had his radio show canceled too. He has more anger to unleash.
2. ANDY: The Antonio Williams Era
Very fitting that a ‘Weird Badger” draft leads off with one of the weirdest personalities out there.
With the 2nd pick I’m happy to welcome the Antonio Williams Era to my team. Williams was in my opinion the first truly “online” recruit at Wisconsin. He was SO active on Twitter talking about how great Wisconsin was, how committed he was to the school and all that good stuff. This was during Peak Gary Andersen era where 247 was extremely active with #content leaked by the staff.
Of course the second Ohio State offered he was gone and set off a Badgers Twitter fire which burned until Graham Mertz came to put it out. We even had the Badgers pulling the “we didn’t want him anyway card” Truly just amazing time to be for Recruiting Twitter.
Of course the Badgers were fine at RB, Williams ended up at UNC with a fine but unspectacular career and the fanbase moved on to the next hot recruit. I’m going Williams at #2 because his recruitment was a good preview of modern day recruiting with Twitter and social media.
3. RICH: Gary Andersen Very Nearly Destroyed Badger Football
Since we are dipping our toe into the Gary Andersen era, I’m just going to dive in. I’m so tired of this I can’t even make it funny, sorry. I’ve tried to just resign myself to this idea existing and moving on with my life (like that weird pejorative “Jerry” thing people do on message boards when they talk about Andersen that I totally forgot about until Andy reminded me of it when he came up with this draft so thanks for that Andy) but I can’t. I know it’s been discussed in this newsletter recently but the guy was fine.
If you’re going to have a transitional coach who isn’t going to stick around long you can do a lot worse than one who gifts your program an elite defense and the coordinator to be the caretaker of it after he leaves.
We’ve heard how the program narrowly averted disaster as Andersen was making a steady transition to the SPREEAAADDD (read that in your zombie voice) but I roll my eyes at that. Yes, Andersen and his staff were doing everything they could to find quarterbacks who could give them mobility at the position but in the end you saw a year and a half of Joel Stave handing the ball off to the best running back the program has ever had. This idea the offense was on its way to trotting out three and four wide receivers every snap and running the read option out of the shotgun was a heavily extrapolated fantasy. The Badgers didn’t do that until Paul Chryst came back to Madison (ZING!).
This whole Andersen thing is a matter of optics, inference, and “Barry said so”. Everyone needs to cool their jets. The team survived a surprising coaching change and came out the other end in as good a shape as they went in. Chalk that one up as a ‘W’. This whole experience could have turned out much, much worse.
4. ANDY: Barry Alvarez Losing His Shirt in a Ponzi Scheme
One guy who probably called him “Jerry” as an insult? Barry Alvarez. Which leads me to my 2nd round pick - Barry Alvarez getting taken in a Ponzi scheme.
Over the last 30 years Alvarez has brilliantly managed his image and reputation. From the moment he arrived in Madison he positioned himself as a savior to the football program (which wasn’t entirely wrong!), and then transitioned into a do-no-wrong AD and now some sort of Godfather type character. I don’t think it's controversial to say he has the biggest ego in the State, non-political division of course.
One notable time that mask was taken off was when he lost a boatload of money to Nevin Shapiro, the infamous idiot Ponzi Schemer from a decade ago. This article has the details, my favorite line is: Asked how much he lost, Alvarez said: “That’s none of your business.” The whole thing is worth a read for a mostly unguarded, completely pissed off Barry Alvarez.
I don’t take delight in Alvarez losing money of course, but in a way its comforting to know that even rich people with genius reputations aren’t immune from making really, really dumb mistakes.
5. RICH: Random Walk-ons That We Know Too Much About
Badger fans love to get chesty about the walk on tradition at Wisconsin. The whole underdog-against-the-odds is an understandably cool mythology to embrace. There is a flip side to this of course. For every Joe Schobert there is a Danny Supernaw. For every Jared Abbrederis there is an Ashfott Fonjungo. Walk ons are way more likely to fade into anonymity than leave a legacy.
There is however a 3rd category of walk on, and maybe my favorite category. That’s the walk on who we know way more about than we ever should. This year we had Travis Wiltjer who was offered a roster spot by Barry Alvarez over some airport baby back ribs (I’d bet my life savings the offer of a roster spot was sealed with a handshake right after Alvarez licked every last bit of barbeque sauce off those Rose Bowl rings). Back in the Bielema Era we had Lance Baretz who everyone was excited about because he was basically Abbrederis all over again, sure why not?
But of course all of this is just lead up to the greatest Badger walk on of all time, Paul Jackson II. Nothing hypes a fanbase more than getting the 2016 Dodge City Community College Scout Team Player of the Year who then takes 2 years off of football before becoming one of the 11 reasons I was excited about 2018. Alas, aside from a spoken word appearance at the Buckinghams (definitely offering those in the UFA phase) I’m pretty sure I maybe saw him on the field once but at least we have the memories. Paul Jackson, always My King
6. ANDY: The 2008 Champs Sports Bowl Luncheon
I like the phrase “get chesty.” One thing we definitely get chesty about is how the Badgers have high character individuals in it for the academics and yada yada. And a lot of times that’s true! But the 2008 Champs Sports Bowl Luncheon is definitely not a data point you would use in this narrative.
The 2008 season was a trainwreck and the Badgers limped into the Bowl season after a tremendously underwhelming regular season that ended in perhaps the worst game in recent history, a ridiculous 36-35 OT win over Cal Poly.
But that didn’t stop the Badgers for talking all kinds of shit before their showdown against Florida State.
According to several FSU players and staff members who attended the luncheon, the trouble started during an entertainment portion of the event. Three Wisconsin players performed a song boasting about the Badgers’ physical style of play and mocking the Seminoles’ team speed.Watson and cornerback Patrick Robinson said at least one Wisconsin player performed the Seminole chop and then turned it into a throat-slash gesture.“
This display of bravado did not go well for the Badgers, as Florida State was still throwing bombs with the starters in the 4th Quarter while cruising to a 42-13 win.
7. RICH: Ray Ball Disappearing in 2015
If you were a listener to the podcast I was a part of, you know the elaborate cover up of the retirement of Ray Ball is one of my favorite things Paul Chryst has ever done. For those who don’t remember (and honestly if you have a healthy life balance you want to be in this camp) Ray Ball was a backup lineman for the Badgers who most memorably started the 2015 Outback Bowl against Auburn where his job was to primarily watch Melvin Gordon blast through a defense that had just fired its coordinator. He did that well.
In his senior season he was one of those “guys in the mix” who suffered an injury during fall camp and largely faded from our minds. Those things happen, right? Borderline guys have a bad break and that’s the last you hear of them as we all move on with life.
However for some reason the coaching staff decided it was necessary to keep this information very hush hush. When asked about his return Joe Rudolph as late as mid October said he was “working through things” and was hopeful for his return. This all changed in late November when seemingly out of nowhere Chryst, in a folding-under-the-glare-of-the-klieg-lights moment blurted out that Ball had been gone since week 2 and was no longer on the team. The whole thing sounded like some elaborate cover up of some nefarious scheme. My totally logical assumption was they had harvested his organs in order to help Corey Clement get back from hernia surgery faster.
I like to believe this was the experience that birthed the Chryst habit of putting some random down-roster redshirt freshman walk on on the injury report as “out for the season” each year so that people don’t ask him about injuries anymore. I think no coach is happier about being forced to live in his house and not interact with people than Paul Chryst.
ASIDE: Because I like to Google stalk people, it turns out Ray Ball is now a special ed teacher. Good on Ray for taking on a tough job in an even tougher profession.
8. ANDY: IKE Badgers
I first became aware of this account last year when they did a ridiculous exercise on potential Greg Gard replacements and mostly put it out of my mind, but recently they’ve been RT’d a ton, often by UW Coaches that I follow. It's usually a mix of photoshop, video and proud declarations about how awesome Wisconsin is, which of course leads to stuff going viral, often.
So what’s the deal? Who set out with a concept to make something that is a weird mix of Wisconsin sports, a Spotify page and a vaguely European vibe. Thoroughly confused, I asked this on Twitter and no one could give me a good answer. This Badger Herald article had the most actual data on the guys behind the account. Their entire premise sounds like a Tom Haberford pitch.
KJ spoke to IKE Music’s motto, and described it as “beautiful sounds that appeal to the senses.”
I also found a blog which doesn’t have much info and hasn’t been updated in years but at least has some information on who is actually running the thing.
So it appears its some post-college bros working on their own Entertainment 720 while also running a part-time music gig, and have realized Tweeting about sports gets reactions. You’re welcome, and IKE Badgers, welcome to my team of Weird Badger Stuff.
9. RICH: Alvarez Shooing Away His Grandchildren at the Rose Bowl
I’m always intrigued by people who talk themselves into the idea that their favorite football coach is actually an outstanding human being, great molder of young men, and someone who would be great to have a beer with. Given the nature of the job and the fact that these people can’t have any kind of normal life, I’ve always doubted this to actually be true.
What’s great about this entire sequence is it captures how I think every high level football coach is in real life. Let’s break it down:
It begins with him cruelly dismissing a young child (is it his grandchild? I want it to be his grandchild) who probably said something really stupid like “Pop Pop, I’m having so much fun at my first football game with you!” instead of having an explanation for why Reggie Pearson took such a bad angle on that Herbert touchdown. THEY HAD A FRIGGIN’ MONTH TO PREP FOR THIS
The next time we see him he’s sitting by himself in the corner of his sumptuously appointed luxury box looking miserable. He’s just flung the Waterford Crystal serving platter that once contained the shrimp cocktail that he took from the buffet and ate by himself.
A moment later he is barking at no one in particular but probably in the general direction of the preschool contingent in his box about HOW THESE GODDAMNED OFFICIALS CAN GO &*&^* THEMSELVES. AM I RIGHT....TOMMY?...JOHNNY?...AH, WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS CHECK BACK IN WHEN YOU EARN A SCHOLARSHIP TO A SCHOOL I CARE ABOUT!!! For some reason the family then moves into the box to watch the game on television, leaving him alone to watch the action live.
I think his life must be great.
10. ANDY: Kirk Herbstreit Puking at Wandos
I love urban myths and the best one I can think of relating to the Badgers is the story of Kirk Herbstreit puking at Wando’s sometime in the late 90s/early 2000s. Is this true? Probably not, but that hasn’t stopped it from becoming an accepted fact on Badger message boards.
I found this interview with Matt Bernstein who mentions having beers at Wando’s with Herbstreit, Fowler and Erin Andrews after the 2004 Penn State game so perhaps this night ended with Herbstreit throwing up and getting kicked out? If the puking incident was before this I find it hard to imagine Herbstreit returning to the scene of the crime. As with all urban myths, details on this are sketchy.
True or not, I absolutely love this story and how much it has lived on through time. These days with social media everything is documented. I would imagine if the ESPN crew showed up at Wando’s in 2020 there would be all sorts of pictures/snapchats/whatever documenting it, but in 2004 we got to fill in the details ourselves. Kirk Herbstreit Puking at Wando’s, welcome to the team.
11. RICH: Jeff Potrykus Tweeting That He’s Going to Tweet Later
Honestly I have no idea how this pick is slipping this far. I feel like I should have to give one of my other picks back because this is such a steal. If you follow the Badgers it’s hard for you not to at least be aware of Jeff Potrykus. If you keep up with Wisconsin via Twitter his feed is downright inescapable.
The predictable rhythms of his feed have invaded your subconscious. There are the late spring trips to Arizona with some weird celebrity sightings (still not sure why that has the crying laughing emoji but that’s not why we’re here). There is a laser focus on driveway shoveling (regretting I didn’t mention Conor Senger with pick #5 right now). OK there is a LOT of talk of driveway shoveling. There are also the fawning yet unrequited replies to player tweets (I love that you don’t reply, Dare. ICE COLD). He also loves to engage in healthy debate on social media, my personal favorite being the multi-year feud with some Disney World enthusiast.
Honestly, I’d be proud to add any of these worthy contenders to my squad, but there is one aspect of Jeff’s twitter that stands above the rest: his propensity to let you know he’s written a story and he’s going to tweet again later when he has a link to the story to share. In essence he’s saying “hey I’m tweeting to let you know I’m going to tweet again later”. I love the idea that this seems like a logical exercise. There are so many examples of this I can’t share them all but I have a few favorites:
The humblebrag about prewriting a story - because no sportswriter does that ever - is such a great flex.
And perhaps his greatest tweet ever (yes it’s a basketball tweet but you’ve read this far) a heads up that he’s going to tweet a link later but he needs to go shovel his driveway first. I think we’ve reached the Singularity
Andy, I’m pretty sure you’re feeling some buyer’s remorse with that IKE pick about now because my squad is STACKED.
12. ANDY: Brent Musburger Urging People to Vote
If you follow me on Twitter you know I’ve been slightly obsessed with Brent Musburger going off on a voting tangent during a Wisconsin/Ohio State game in 2004.
It was late in the game and Musburger began talking about the election, which was and still is mostly taboo for sports announcers. Imagine Herbstreit opening up the 4th Quarter of an Oklahoma/Texas game with “So, I know there’s a big election this week and…” I was with my friend Paul and we were on the edge of our seats wondering where Brent was going to take this. He seems to realize it as well, and right as its about to get REALLY awkward, drops a “If you don’t vote, you can’t bitch” line which just killed me. This was also 2004 where you didn’t hear the word “bitch” on Network TV much and certainly not from a Sportscaster.
We spent the next 15 years talking about this moment that we both remembered vividly. It almost reached the point where I wasn’t sure if it actually happened or if we made it up. If you’ve listened to the Reply All podcast about the Missing Hit, it was a lot like that. I’d been searching for years to find a YouTube of the game until one day I found a guy online that was selling old games. I quickly PayPal’d $10 to a stranger and soon had a Drop Box link in my email. The result is now on YouTube forever.
Brent Musburger Urging People to Vote, welcome to Team Schaaf
FREE AGENTS: Hornibrook sleeping with everyone’s GF. Corey Clement’s German Hernia surgeon who didn’t actually fix him, Dave Heller’s Kenzel Doe post-Wisconsin updates
With that, our final rosters:
RICH:
Mike Lucas and the Sidelines incident
The Gary Andersen Era
Random Walk-Ons
Ray Ball
Barry Alvarez Shooing His Kids Away at the Rose Bowl
Jeff Potrykus Tweeting about Tweeting
ANDY
The Antonio Williams Era
Barry Alvarez and the Ponzi Scheme
The 2008 Champs Sports Bowl Luncheon
IKE Badgers
Herbstreit Puking at Wandos
Musburger Urging People to Vote
What team do you like best? I’ll put a poll on my Twitter feed after this goes out so be sure to vote there.
That’s it for this week, I’ve got some ideas for future emails and I am working on a couple things so stay tuned there. Thanks for those who have emailed in as well, we will definitely get to those during this long down time. Go Badgers.